1/21/2024 0 Comments Savage love zombiesHow do you opt out and ask people to read your current “presenting gender” and apply traditional pronouns in the moment?Īre we talking nametags here? Because if we’re talking nametags, HESHE, then your husband can wear a “he/him” nametag when he’s presenting as a man and “she/her” nametag when he’s presenting as a woman. He doesn't want to be insensitive to those whose presentation isn’t obviously binary but feels it is obvious when he’s presenting as either masculine or feminine and that it should be easy for people to use the pronouns he would prefer without having to specify them. He does not want to use “they/them." I suggested he go with “he/she,” but he doesn’t think “he/she” is an appropriate option because he wants people to use the pronouns assigned to what he is presenting as. My husband is a cross-dresser and wants “he/him” pronouns used when he is presenting as a boy and “she/her” pronouns to be used when he’s presenting as a girl. She recently released an online course about dating for subs, which is available at My husband and I were at a kink event that required pronouns under scene names. Lina Dune runs the BDSM meme page on Instagram, where she gives D/s relationship advice and serves as fairy submother to her 100K followers. But if by sharing the details of your lousy first kink experience-here in my column or elsewhere-you inspire other newbie subs to avoid this guy and/or immediately end a scene if some other shitty Dom pulls the same crap, it’ll have been worth the effort. Now, if he’s the kind of shitty Dom who preys on inexperienced subs, he may not care what people in the kink scene think of him. After all, you can do more than talk to him… you can talk about him. But it might make you feel better, BDSM, and who knows? Maybe he’ll start to worry about his reputation. If this guy is a bad Dom-if he’s a truly shitty person who can’t be trusted-hearing from you isn’t going to magically turn him into a safe and trustworthy Dom. “But if it would make BDSM feel better to dash off a quick message to him about the definition of ‘hard limits’ and explain how destabilizing it can be for a sub for a Dom to switch things up like this mid-scene, or challenge limits in general, I don’t see the harm.” “The burden is never on the victim of bad behavior to change the perpetrator,” said Dune. Which means he either didn’t realize he’d done something wrong, BDSM, or he hoped that you, an inexperienced sub, would continue to submit to his manipulative bullshit, i.e., the consent violations he tried to pass off as consent-seeking “renegotiations” once play had started. Since you wound up having to ghost this guy, BDSM, I assume that means he continued to contact you expecting to play again. “Even if this guy didn’t mean to put BDSM in this awful situation-which, let’s be real, challenging someone’s limits is as fundamentally red-flaggy as it gets-he still did that and BDSM’s feelings matter.” “When it comes to D/s dating, the question is almost never about a person’s intentions but rather about the effect,” said Lina Dune, host of the Ask a Sub podcast.
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